he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I deserve this hangover.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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