after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
