at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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