i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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