the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
