he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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