How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize