mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
