I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
