Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
