when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
