my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize