once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
