how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We are two peas in an std pod
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
