Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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