im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
