Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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