3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
