Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
