I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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