dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
