Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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