either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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