a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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