i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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