Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
