I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
