she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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