i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
