Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
