He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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