apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
