Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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