hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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