i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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