peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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