How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
