I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
