Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
