I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
