the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
