i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
