happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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