Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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