I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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