I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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