Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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