sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
