She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
