I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He shit in the fireplace
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize