It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize