I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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