okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
