porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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