Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
