you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
