I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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