Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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