i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
