Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
