You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
