On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit