I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.