Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed