During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
