i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's always time for handjobs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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