Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
People in love make me want to vomit
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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