my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish I only lived at night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
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