So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
