can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my shit smells like andre
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
