Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
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