its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Randomize
