those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
