The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
