So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
