If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
