yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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